Apparently Jamie wasn't quite ready for being babysat yet. We really were going based on how he seemed to be doing which of course you know is great; trusting and happy, talking up a storm, etc. He also loves going to Mimi and Grandaddy's house. He was happy having Mimi doing stuff w/ him alone a few weeks ago while I sat in her library reading for 30 minutes. Well this time everything seemed to be going fine. David and I dropped him off and he was happily doing things with his grandparents. David and I were gone about 2.5 hrs out to dinner. We called a few times during the meal to see how he was doing. For most of the time they said he was really happy and his typical self; not really seeming to miss us at all. But then about 10 minutes or so before we got back there he started being out of sorts and looking around with nothing that previously pleased him pleasing him. He seemed to be looking for us and unsettled. I went in first and he wanted me and of course David came in and he really wanted David (David being his favorite person still!) We got out to the car and we could tell by the way he was acting and looking, he was acting exactly like he did on the first and second day we had him. Completely stunned. And quiet. Not one peep on the way home. He continued to be that way for the rest of the evening. He just sat on David's lap somewhat listlessly and looked around in a stunned way and didn't talk at all. Poor little man.
We really thought he seemed so ready. None of us ever would have done that had we known how he would react. And the fact he was obviously enjoying himself at his grandparent's house for most of the time threw us too. Maybe it was that last bit of time? Once home, none of the evening activities he normally gets excited about did anything to perk him up. He didn't even talk during his bath which is normally a major source of joy for him. :-( This morning he was still subdued but thankfully after nap today he was acting like himself again and talking/chattering away. I guess we'll have to wait a while before we do babysitting again and maybe next time make it a one hour little coffee run or something.
David and I felt just awful, seeing him regress and act shell-shocked again. What a flashback to day 2! It just made me feel sick for him, wondering if we damaged any of his trust when he was so clearly at ease with us. So all of that is to say if you're bringing home your newly adopted child, it may or may not work out having people the child normally enjoys being around babysit in the first couple of months. Some kids do just fine with it. I know my Chinese niece did fine with it even in first month home. I would have thought that would have been Jamie based on all the signs. But oh well.
Dinner was great, by the way. We enjoyed eating various appetizers at the Cheesecake Factory. Didn't actually eat dessert. ;-) It was so nice getting to have just the two of us but we'll be okay waiting awhile before we do that again. It was just too much for Jamie too soon I guess.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I am guessing it was only 10 minutes too long ;)
ReplyDeleteYou probably didn't dammage his trust, if anything you showed him that you will come back when you go away, and that you only leave him with those he knows and loves. As things get back to "normal" he'll see that it's all fine and get better used to the idea.
Does he go in the nursery at church? I had a little guy yesterday about Jamie's age who did great until 10 min before church was out- hungry! Since he's nursed we had to get mom- no one else could fill in ;)
No, not ready for church nursery yet. Adopted children don't come w/ the same set of typical toddler issues that birth kids come with unless you adopted them at birth. Their worlds have been turned upside down with the immediate removal from their primary caregivers when we take them and it can really overwhelm them and cause real problems with developing trust and attachment to new caregivers. We definitely don't want to do too much too soon. Most people wait longer before trying church nursery. Especially w/ our church, each Sunday is a different person. Definitely not ready for that. We'll try that in about 3 or 4 weeks with David there with him for a few weeks and then he'll start to ease out for a few minutes at a time to see how he does.
ReplyDelete