There are so many funny things that Jamie says and does and I find I forget them as time goes on since I don't write them down. (I haven't journaled in years.)
On Thanksgiving morning as Jamie prepared to watch the much anticipated parade on tv, I went in the living room to see the highchair in there in front of the tv (at a good distance.) I figured David had brought it in for Jamie to sit in and eat breakfast in while he watched the parade but he said, " No, I didn't." Jamie said, "Me!" very proudly. He had dragged the chair in and he insisted he wanted to sit in the highchair to watch the parade. Okay...so we let him. He sat slack-jawed, forgetting to eat the breakfast in front of him as the parade started. I don't think he even so much as blinked. ;-) When the parade show cut to a commercial and I fast forwarded past the commercial (we had dvr'd the first 15 min of the parade so we could fast forward through at least some of the commercials) I accidentally forwarded a bit past the last commercial and into where it was showing an aerial view of central park. Jamie immediately said, " No mommy! Back!" and was so serious and gesturing with his hand in a backwards motion, essentially telling me, " Hey mom, don't leave a second out of the parade. Can't you see you just fast forwarded too far? Sheesh!" Then a few minutes later, while there was a marching band playing, David started talking, asking Jamie if he remembered the time that...(I forget what he was asking him) and Jamie actually cut him off by doing the quiet gesture with finger pointed on lips and told David, "No talk, Daddy." Jamie's brows were knit with seriousness. It was so hysterical how serious he was. He didn't want to hear David wax nostalgic about some fond memory he shared with Jamie. Nope. He is a little man with his definite priorities!
Tonight we let him watch some Bob the Builder, one of his favorites on tv, and I was excitedly talking to David about something kind of loudly, even though both of us were sitting there with Jamie in the living room. Jamie turned and did the serious quiet thing w/ his finger over his lips and told me, " Quiet mommy. Lou (loud)!" Oops. Sorry, Jamie! lol.
Recently David was trying to get Jamie to stop whining (unfortunately something Jamie specializes in even though we don't put up w/ it) by saying, " I hear somebody whining." Jamie enthusiastically pointed to himself and said, " Me!!" lol!
We have a kitten photo card that if you pull a tab causes the cat mouth to open and it sings meow meow meow meow to the Happy Birthday tune. It is an adorable card and Jamie is smitten with it. He finds it as adorable as I do! The other day he picked it up and pulled it to start the song meowing and he leaned over and kissed the open mouth of the cat. It was so precious! Then he started kissing the cat ears and cheek, etc. That kitten card is simply adorable. Then a couple of days later David pretended to be the cat singing the birthday song and told Jamie to pull his hand to start the song. Jamie did that and bent down and kissed David's hand. :-D
Jamie was so precious today. It snowed a little today so Jamie got to really experience the snow with us. What a great time we had! He enjoyed putting snow balls that we made into a little stream of water in front of our driveway and watching them turn yellowish from the water that was trapped under fallen leaf debris (tell me that is why it was yellow!) And best of all, he LOVED sledding down a hill for the first time! What fun that was watching him discover.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thanksgiving. BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
For the couple of weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, any time Jamie heard anyone (even in the grocery store) say the word Thanksgiving he would rouse himself to hollaring, " Boom! Boom!!" and marching around while appearing to clap imaginary cymbals together. Jamie was born to be a marching band leader, apparently. He has found his calling in life. That or trash truck driver. Jamie adores marching bands and daily (many times daily) acts out being a band leader with us marching behind him playing imaginary or real toy drums, flute, tuba or trombone and cymbals. He does not grow weary of this, I'm telling you. Just come over and see!
Jamie could simply not wait for the parades coming on tv on Thanksgiving day! Yeah Yeah, daddy, the pilgrims....BOOM BOOM!!! Thank you Jesus for....BOOM BOOM!!
I didn't take many Thanksgiving day photos but here is one of him enjoying the finger 'hat' olive. He didn't care for the taste so it became pulverized olive on a napkin shortly afterwards.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Wonderful friends and a cool connection!
We had a wonderful opportunity that is rather rare for China adoptive families. After meeting another adoptive mom online whose son is also from the same orphanage at the same time my son was there (which in itself is a gift just having these connections online), we got to go and spend a 3 day weekend with them in their city a week ago. It was simply wonderful! Thank you so much, Elizabeth for having us!
What a blessing for us both and what a future cool connection for our boys--neither of us has any info about birth history/families so the boys will grow up w/ this connection to each other--having been at the same place at the same time as little babies and young toddlers. Their son came into the orphanage only about 2.5 months before our son did. They're just 2 months 3 weeks apart with little Will being older. They got their son just 2 weeks before we got Jamie. We found out the boys were taken care of at the orphanage by different nannies and by comparing our pictures with each other no kids are overlapping in the background in the photos so they were in different groups at the orphanage, but it is so cool they shared that commonality and they can continue to be connected! We hope to see our new friends 1-2 times a year (if you'll have us back up by your place we thought it was one of our most enjoyable vacations! How about next fall?)
We drove up one day and spent the night at a, as Jamie would call it, teh tell (hotel as we would say.) I loved him saying teh tell over and over. He was delighted to have that experience with us but it was hard for him to sleep at night w/ our snoring. Oops, lol. Poor boy. He had a great time anyway. Will has 3 siblings aged 7 and under (and a couple of older sibs in their 20's.) It was so cool to have Jamie with the four other kids all under 7 playing together for 3 days. They had a blast! David got right in the fray---he entertained the kids and I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with Elizabeth. Elizabeth had some great outings planned that the kids loved. There was a great apple cider mill & farm that was having their annual fall festival type of thing where kids and parents can go through corn mazes, and small hay bale mazes for the little ones. Lots of things to do including hay rides, a large slide down a hill lined w/ hay on burlap bags, etc. We all had a great time and I loved getting to know my new friends. Man, I wish we all lived near each other b/c I love you guys and Jamie is still smiling when he sees Will's picture! We hope to see each other each year and keep this connection for the boys as they grow.
What cute kids, eh? By the way, Will is so smart & so laid back and easy to please (kind of Jamie's opposite on the laid back quiet and easy to please part, lol.) I couldn't get enough of watching our two adorable boys together. Will taught himself the whole ABC alphabet song just by listening to his 4 year old sister Ana! He is really something!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Jamese
I like to call Jamie's language right now Jamese b/c it's a mixture of actual words, parts of words and Jamie's made up words for things. B/c I am using this blog in part as a diary to remember things by I want to make a list for myself (and you if you're interested) of some of the things Jamie currently likes to say at 2 years 4 and a half months:
yo yo= yogurt ( want yo yo, want yo yo if often chanted as it's a favorite food along with his still favorite waffuh (waffle)
dow me, dow me= I want to get down
bah and upadee= up (he still can't say the p on up and says uh if we push him to say up)
ree ree= rain or raisin depending on the context
hammm = ham
hammm= his favorite blanket
di dee = dizzy
teh teh= pretend
want want= want (he nearly always says it twice for emphasis)
rye= rind
buh= book like book but no k on the end
laow= loud, basically say loud but leave off the d and that is what he says
tah tuh= trash truck. He can say tuck for truck but still says tah tuh
bird is still just his lips vibrating and making a ringing sound, so adorable. He can say buh for bird but refuses
mommm mommm= my mother, his grandma. He named her this b/c he couldn't say grammy so she is now mom mom. I love how he is so careful to pronounce the m and it gets drawn out.
how= house
hommmmme= home
daddy cat= daddy cat; he pretends to be daddy cat on a daily basis
two baby, two baby cat= we are his baby cats
bah= bob the builder
hah= hat (he always indicates that men where hats and he often pretends to be a man wearing a hat, especially if he just accomplished something he's proud of. Then he always tells me he is a man and he's wearing a hat.
mah= man
lay lay= lady or ladder
a combo of a z, g and s sound with ee on the end twice for Jesus
king= king
bobo= rainbow, one of his favorite things
tuck= truck
tah tah= tower (water tower)
cow= cow
cow= car
chee= cheese
mick= milk
bah booh= bottle
nyat nyat= dump truck
dap doo= upstairs
tah= trash
me at (prounced with two syllables) = meat
fry= french fries
nuh nuh= nuggets (chicken nuggets)
rye= ride (like in the stroller)
peh peh= pretzle, one of his favorite snacks
lellow= yellow
gee= green (yellow and green and sometimes black are the three colors he identifies readily now)
loo= loose
pee= please
dah doo= cockadoodledoo
dee deah= dirty
tah taow= guitar
clee ah= clean
want coo coo was cookie but now he can say coo kie (as separate words)
Jamie often says no as if he's saying get out of town. You have got to be kidding me! It cracks us up!
tight= tight
pee pull= said very deliberately for people almost like two separate words
dah= dog. He holds his hand out and wants nearly every dog to come and lick it or go to visit him.
walk walk= he often says it and also uses his two fingers to mimic walking when he tells me he wants to walk somewhere
booh booh= boom boom ( he is often talking about trucks or cars hitting or various things including drums.) In fact he calls drums booh booh (he can almost put the m on the end.)
wait= he'll hold up his hand to mimic holding me at bay and be very serious in his face like an adult telling me to wait if he's pooping, lol. It's a serious matter after all.
twoooo, twooo go! = one two, go! (he doesn't do the one two three yet but does w/ help, lol) Jamie says two two, go! for lining up to race on foot and for when he blows his nose
bobadee started the whole Jamese thing and he still says it nearly every day, often still waking from his nap singing bobadee, bobadeeeeeeee! (basketball.) Jamie used to thank Jesus for basketball every night when daddy prays with him before bed. David would say things like thank you Jesus for mommy and for (various people in our lives) then Jamie added bobadee, lol.
When I tell Jamie about Jesus creating the animals and nature and people he always reminds me that Jesus created bobadee and tah tuhs too (trash trucks.)
Jamie likes to imitate a dinosaur and tiger the same way with a really good and amazingly deep growl. His latest thing since moving on from his old awesome dance moves is to play air guitar. He's added the growl now so he is pretending to be a dinosaur playing the guitar, lol. He is very musically-oriented and I love that. He often hums and sings to himself when he is happy and content (which is much more often now, thankfully.) He was a happy boy pretty easily before but tended to get in a grumpy funk with David and I when we're home w/ him but now he's generally pretty easy to be happy even just with me. Yay!
Jamie still loves to make excellent siren sounds. I am always impressed with how realistic he can get some of them (well compared to my really bad imitation.) He loves fire trucks and ambulences and police cars. He sometimes calls the police cops. He also says law. David and I had told him when he was fighting the car seat that it was the law and the police tell us we have to follow and obey the law and children have to be in car seats. This made a big impression on him and when I started telling him he needed to obey mama and do X, he started saying, " mama.... law. mama....law." Made me laugh so hard! He is often saying rules are laws like if I say we have to throw out our trash at his favorite play museum instead of leaving it there he'll say, " name of museum.... law.' several times.
We've tried to cut down on his whining by saying things like, " Jamie. Does mama listen to whining? I don't think so!" I say the I don't think so in a playful teasing kind of way with a smile and that usually gets him to stop whining and laugh. If he still whines I say in a very animated way, " Where did happy boy go? Where did happy Jamie go?" and I pretend to start looking for him behind and under things. When I say where did happy Jamie go, Jamie usually immediately replies, " Bye bye!" in a teasing voice but then laughs as I search for him. Amazing how he is almost never whiney then and usually responds well. He sure doesn't remember for long though and then we're back at it, but at least he knows we don't like whining and he has to use his words.
Jamie enjoys pretending to be in a parade and will either say toot toot (one of the first words he could put an end consonant on!) as he plays an imaginary trumpet or he'll use a paper towel tube and he has a train whistle flute (thanks Pop Pop and Mom Mom!) that he loves to play. He'll often do the flute in his mouth and march while simultaneously banging a drum he's carrying.
Whenever Jamie is going to attempt something and he's confident that he won't fall down or he does accomplish something and doesn't fall down he says, " No uh oh." Usually it's after the fact.
I'm sure I'll think of other things and I'll add them then.
yo yo= yogurt ( want yo yo, want yo yo if often chanted as it's a favorite food along with his still favorite waffuh (waffle)
dow me, dow me= I want to get down
bah and upadee= up (he still can't say the p on up and says uh if we push him to say up)
ree ree= rain or raisin depending on the context
hammm = ham
hammm= his favorite blanket
di dee = dizzy
teh teh= pretend
want want= want (he nearly always says it twice for emphasis)
rye= rind
buh= book like book but no k on the end
laow= loud, basically say loud but leave off the d and that is what he says
tah tuh= trash truck. He can say tuck for truck but still says tah tuh
bird is still just his lips vibrating and making a ringing sound, so adorable. He can say buh for bird but refuses
mommm mommm= my mother, his grandma. He named her this b/c he couldn't say grammy so she is now mom mom. I love how he is so careful to pronounce the m and it gets drawn out.
how= house
hommmmme= home
daddy cat= daddy cat; he pretends to be daddy cat on a daily basis
two baby, two baby cat= we are his baby cats
bah= bob the builder
hah= hat (he always indicates that men where hats and he often pretends to be a man wearing a hat, especially if he just accomplished something he's proud of. Then he always tells me he is a man and he's wearing a hat.
mah= man
lay lay= lady or ladder
a combo of a z, g and s sound with ee on the end twice for Jesus
king= king
bobo= rainbow, one of his favorite things
tuck= truck
tah tah= tower (water tower)
cow= cow
cow= car
chee= cheese
mick= milk
bah booh= bottle
nyat nyat= dump truck
dap doo= upstairs
tah= trash
me at (prounced with two syllables) = meat
fry= french fries
nuh nuh= nuggets (chicken nuggets)
rye= ride (like in the stroller)
peh peh= pretzle, one of his favorite snacks
lellow= yellow
gee= green (yellow and green and sometimes black are the three colors he identifies readily now)
loo= loose
pee= please
dah doo= cockadoodledoo
dee deah= dirty
tah taow= guitar
clee ah= clean
want coo coo was cookie but now he can say coo kie (as separate words)
Jamie often says no as if he's saying get out of town. You have got to be kidding me! It cracks us up!
tight= tight
pee pull= said very deliberately for people almost like two separate words
dah= dog. He holds his hand out and wants nearly every dog to come and lick it or go to visit him.
walk walk= he often says it and also uses his two fingers to mimic walking when he tells me he wants to walk somewhere
booh booh= boom boom ( he is often talking about trucks or cars hitting or various things including drums.) In fact he calls drums booh booh (he can almost put the m on the end.)
wait= he'll hold up his hand to mimic holding me at bay and be very serious in his face like an adult telling me to wait if he's pooping, lol. It's a serious matter after all.
twoooo, twooo go! = one two, go! (he doesn't do the one two three yet but does w/ help, lol) Jamie says two two, go! for lining up to race on foot and for when he blows his nose
bobadee started the whole Jamese thing and he still says it nearly every day, often still waking from his nap singing bobadee, bobadeeeeeeee! (basketball.) Jamie used to thank Jesus for basketball every night when daddy prays with him before bed. David would say things like thank you Jesus for mommy and for (various people in our lives) then Jamie added bobadee, lol.
When I tell Jamie about Jesus creating the animals and nature and people he always reminds me that Jesus created bobadee and tah tuhs too (trash trucks.)
Jamie likes to imitate a dinosaur and tiger the same way with a really good and amazingly deep growl. His latest thing since moving on from his old awesome dance moves is to play air guitar. He's added the growl now so he is pretending to be a dinosaur playing the guitar, lol. He is very musically-oriented and I love that. He often hums and sings to himself when he is happy and content (which is much more often now, thankfully.) He was a happy boy pretty easily before but tended to get in a grumpy funk with David and I when we're home w/ him but now he's generally pretty easy to be happy even just with me. Yay!
Jamie still loves to make excellent siren sounds. I am always impressed with how realistic he can get some of them (well compared to my really bad imitation.) He loves fire trucks and ambulences and police cars. He sometimes calls the police cops. He also says law. David and I had told him when he was fighting the car seat that it was the law and the police tell us we have to follow and obey the law and children have to be in car seats. This made a big impression on him and when I started telling him he needed to obey mama and do X, he started saying, " mama.... law. mama....law." Made me laugh so hard! He is often saying rules are laws like if I say we have to throw out our trash at his favorite play museum instead of leaving it there he'll say, " name of museum.... law.' several times.
We've tried to cut down on his whining by saying things like, " Jamie. Does mama listen to whining? I don't think so!" I say the I don't think so in a playful teasing kind of way with a smile and that usually gets him to stop whining and laugh. If he still whines I say in a very animated way, " Where did happy boy go? Where did happy Jamie go?" and I pretend to start looking for him behind and under things. When I say where did happy Jamie go, Jamie usually immediately replies, " Bye bye!" in a teasing voice but then laughs as I search for him. Amazing how he is almost never whiney then and usually responds well. He sure doesn't remember for long though and then we're back at it, but at least he knows we don't like whining and he has to use his words.
Jamie enjoys pretending to be in a parade and will either say toot toot (one of the first words he could put an end consonant on!) as he plays an imaginary trumpet or he'll use a paper towel tube and he has a train whistle flute (thanks Pop Pop and Mom Mom!) that he loves to play. He'll often do the flute in his mouth and march while simultaneously banging a drum he's carrying.
Whenever Jamie is going to attempt something and he's confident that he won't fall down or he does accomplish something and doesn't fall down he says, " No uh oh." Usually it's after the fact.
I'm sure I'll think of other things and I'll add them then.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
More photos from beach trip
For some reason when I did my previous post it kept not loading the 5 pictures but it worked for two so I put them there and will try adding three more now.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Trip to the beach
We just measured Jamie's height this afternoon and discovered that is is at or just under 35 inches. He has grown between 4-5.5 inches since 11 months ago! How is that possible?! Our little guy is growing up!
We went to the beach two times in the past 5 weeks and here are some pictures. Jamie typically is wild and crazy about the water the first day or two then by the third day he just wants the sand for some reason. He *loved* playing in the sand with daddy, building mountains and flattening them with his belly or hands and feet. (I was off digging happily in the breaking waves and sand for mole crabs to show Jamie and to enjoy watching for myself. They are also called sand fleas but are harmless crabs.) Jamie loved to bury his feet in the sand. He sure has come a long way from the child who didn't want to get messes on his hand of any kind or touch sand at all with his hands or feet. It makes me so happy to see him happily playing and using his hands to dig and scrunch in the sand. :-)
I think Jamie is just breath-takingly gorgeous. I guess I shouldn't say that since I'm his mother and it sounds like bragging, but I don't care, lol. I especially love the pictures of him on the beach in this white outfit one of my relatives gave us.
We went to the beach two times in the past 5 weeks and here are some pictures. Jamie typically is wild and crazy about the water the first day or two then by the third day he just wants the sand for some reason. He *loved* playing in the sand with daddy, building mountains and flattening them with his belly or hands and feet. (I was off digging happily in the breaking waves and sand for mole crabs to show Jamie and to enjoy watching for myself. They are also called sand fleas but are harmless crabs.) Jamie loved to bury his feet in the sand. He sure has come a long way from the child who didn't want to get messes on his hand of any kind or touch sand at all with his hands or feet. It makes me so happy to see him happily playing and using his hands to dig and scrunch in the sand. :-)
I think Jamie is just breath-takingly gorgeous. I guess I shouldn't say that since I'm his mother and it sounds like bragging, but I don't care, lol. I especially love the pictures of him on the beach in this white outfit one of my relatives gave us.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Jamie is softening towards me. Yay!!! My mommy heart is happy.
I would have posted sooner but we lost our camera cable so haven't been able to load pictures and I kept waiting for pictures. I decided I'll just post.
Some of you might know that Jamie has taken a while to warm up to me. Even though he started attaching more readily to David early on, we both have noticed a real change in him in the past 3 weeks towards both of us (a good thing) . Especially in the last two weeks Jamie is not angry with me and whining about Daddy not being there to get him up in the morning or after nap--he always asks for him still but when I tell him he's at work he seems fairly satisfied and has even said, " Mama!" in a delighted way a couple of times in the past couple of weeks when I go in to get him up in the morning or after nap. This is something new and I love it!
Interestingly, I notice that he is more affectionate with me when he is role playing that he is a daddy cat and I am his baby. He generally does this every single morning now as soon as he wakes and I go in. Even at other times when I need to carry him (wrapped in a towel after bath for example) he normally would be saying, " Down me! Down me!" and whining--trying to push away from me, but now he is starting to relax and sing and be happy and he'll meow and say, " Daddy cat" (meaning himself) and drape himself over my shoulder, molding to my body, which is a new thing for him and a delight for me (boy I have been waiting for this kind of closeness.) He doesn't do it for what I would think a typical duration of time, usually far less than a minute, but I am soaking it up when I get it.
Interestingly, since he learned how to say mommy and daddy this past weekend (mama and dada before) he seems to be drawing even closer. He is enjoying saying mommy and I think he's proud that he can say it and he's calling my attention to things even more than he usually does and just saying mommy for no reason at all and coming over and hugging me. He did that to some extent before but now it's relaxed and more regular and he seems to be starting to really enjoy me being there more.
I started following some advice I should have done from the start yet only started just 2 weeks ago. This could be part of why he's starting to attach to me more significantly. For helping children to attach to their adoptive parents it is sometimes advised by attachment therapists to feed sweet bottles (warm milk w/ a little added sugar) to the child, not allowing the child to hold the bottle but the parent holding it and cradling the child and rocking and singing to them. Jamie has always held his own bottles. He didn't like me doing it at first 2 weeks ago and still doesn't make much eye contact at all during it, but he is clearly liking it now and asking for it now some mornings. They say that the lactose and sugar do something in the brain to help trigger some type of infant like attachment reflex or something to the caregiver. Well it is helping. First few times Jamie wanted me to stop singing. Last time I paused and he said more and I said, " You want mama to keep singing?" and he said yes. I just sing about how I love him and variations on that and rock him. I am hoping this will also improve his eye contact with me. He makes normal eye contact during play, but if we want him to make eye contact with him when we're holding him he won't.
Another thing that happened that I think seemed to be a turning point for him was he had an absolute melt down tantrum at the mall food court one day 2 or 3 weeks ago--about his worst tantrum I've seen (not the worst for many children but for him)---I had every reason to raise my voice or seem upset w/ him for being so crazy but I held all my feelings of 'oh my goodness you have got to be kidding me kid' inside and kept completely calm on the outside and very level and matter of fact. He was flipping out b/c I had told him he had to try a bite of carrot raisin salad (and he likes shredded carrots and raisins) before he could eat any chicken nuggets or else he couldn't have nuggets. You would think I was killing him he was screaming and flailing so much and the longer it went on the worse it got b/c he was scaring himself I guess. Anyway, I held him on my lap and kept telling him to go ahead and get his angries out and mommy loved him. He started to calm down a bit and eventually we left (not having eaten either) but he was totally over it by then and happy again but wanted me to carry him (he usually wants me to hold him when he loses it b/c it scares him to lose it so much). As I carried him he started singing and pointing out things he was interested in and telling me to look at things, etc. I thought about how if I'd lost my cool and gotten angry or yelled it would have sent him back to not feeling safe around me. Him totally losing his cool and seeing me hold myself together calmly and lovingly seemed to help him feel like I was worthy of more trust. What a breakthrough! ;-) I really never did expect it would take this many months for him to start trusting and liking me more. I really was surprised even though I thought I was very prepared.
I do wish he was lighter weight so I could carry him longer. I think he's about 33.5 lbs! I was holding another boy at playgroup today and he was only 24 lbs, so incredibly light I hardly felt like I was holding him and I easily held that boy for a little while and didn't even feel like I was! I held both of them at the same time for a few min and that was interesting, lol. Jamie loved it.
I have deeply loved Jamie for so many months now and I am so deeply pleased and relieved to see him starting to really reciprocate some real love and affection on a deeper level. I want nothing more than to seem fully safe to him and a place of refuge. He had a nightmare about a month ago before he started feeling closer to me and when I went in to comfort him he was trying to climb up the other side of the crib to get away and was screaming--it just killed me to not be of comfort to him when he was having a bad dream. And then a day or two after that we were at the playground and he fell and got hurt but only wanted me to hold him about 10 seconds before he was saying down please, down please! Fast forward to playgroup a week ago when he got knocked over by someone accidentally and he came running and wanted me to hold him for about 5 minutes or longer and he layed his head on my shoulder (something that has only happened a few times before 2 weeks ago) and when he got down and he held my hand too.
I think moms who have their children from birth (either domestic adoption by birth or moms w/ bio children) are so lucky to get to enjoy this kind of intimacy with their children. It is natural as a mother to assume you will be a source of comfort and soothing to your child when they need you. I wonder if these moms realize how lucky they are. I think a lot of adoptive moms think that their children will quickly start to be like this with them and are not prepared for the longer haul time it takes some kids to start to trust. It's something I assumed would start to come to me sooner than 10.5 months home (I didn't expect it right away but thought it would be steady progress forward and surely would have expected that 10 months home my child would be well attached to me.) I can't tell you what a deep sense of peace and happiness I now have b/c of knowing my son is finding some real comfort being with me and held by me. I look forward to seeing more progress in this area! It is still a work in progress and definitely not the end point yet. I am just so encouraged. What a long wait I have felt like I've had and it is finally paying off being calm during all of his meltdowns and whining sessions. (This is not something that comes naturally to me for sure b/c I get angry easily, so this is really helping me understand how to be a good mommy too.)
People who see Jamie happy and laughing don't seem to realize how intense our son can be when he is unhappy too. He surely is both. He wears his emotions for all to see--I really love his character and personality! He is our rock star!
When we get the camera cord I'll post some pictures of two trips to the beach we've taken in the last month. We had such a great time. Jamie really enjoyed it and he slept great in the pack and play. That was an answer to prayer! ;-)
Some of you might know that Jamie has taken a while to warm up to me. Even though he started attaching more readily to David early on, we both have noticed a real change in him in the past 3 weeks towards both of us (a good thing) . Especially in the last two weeks Jamie is not angry with me and whining about Daddy not being there to get him up in the morning or after nap--he always asks for him still but when I tell him he's at work he seems fairly satisfied and has even said, " Mama!" in a delighted way a couple of times in the past couple of weeks when I go in to get him up in the morning or after nap. This is something new and I love it!
Interestingly, I notice that he is more affectionate with me when he is role playing that he is a daddy cat and I am his baby. He generally does this every single morning now as soon as he wakes and I go in. Even at other times when I need to carry him (wrapped in a towel after bath for example) he normally would be saying, " Down me! Down me!" and whining--trying to push away from me, but now he is starting to relax and sing and be happy and he'll meow and say, " Daddy cat" (meaning himself) and drape himself over my shoulder, molding to my body, which is a new thing for him and a delight for me (boy I have been waiting for this kind of closeness.) He doesn't do it for what I would think a typical duration of time, usually far less than a minute, but I am soaking it up when I get it.
Interestingly, since he learned how to say mommy and daddy this past weekend (mama and dada before) he seems to be drawing even closer. He is enjoying saying mommy and I think he's proud that he can say it and he's calling my attention to things even more than he usually does and just saying mommy for no reason at all and coming over and hugging me. He did that to some extent before but now it's relaxed and more regular and he seems to be starting to really enjoy me being there more.
I started following some advice I should have done from the start yet only started just 2 weeks ago. This could be part of why he's starting to attach to me more significantly. For helping children to attach to their adoptive parents it is sometimes advised by attachment therapists to feed sweet bottles (warm milk w/ a little added sugar) to the child, not allowing the child to hold the bottle but the parent holding it and cradling the child and rocking and singing to them. Jamie has always held his own bottles. He didn't like me doing it at first 2 weeks ago and still doesn't make much eye contact at all during it, but he is clearly liking it now and asking for it now some mornings. They say that the lactose and sugar do something in the brain to help trigger some type of infant like attachment reflex or something to the caregiver. Well it is helping. First few times Jamie wanted me to stop singing. Last time I paused and he said more and I said, " You want mama to keep singing?" and he said yes. I just sing about how I love him and variations on that and rock him. I am hoping this will also improve his eye contact with me. He makes normal eye contact during play, but if we want him to make eye contact with him when we're holding him he won't.
Another thing that happened that I think seemed to be a turning point for him was he had an absolute melt down tantrum at the mall food court one day 2 or 3 weeks ago--about his worst tantrum I've seen (not the worst for many children but for him)---I had every reason to raise my voice or seem upset w/ him for being so crazy but I held all my feelings of 'oh my goodness you have got to be kidding me kid' inside and kept completely calm on the outside and very level and matter of fact. He was flipping out b/c I had told him he had to try a bite of carrot raisin salad (and he likes shredded carrots and raisins) before he could eat any chicken nuggets or else he couldn't have nuggets. You would think I was killing him he was screaming and flailing so much and the longer it went on the worse it got b/c he was scaring himself I guess. Anyway, I held him on my lap and kept telling him to go ahead and get his angries out and mommy loved him. He started to calm down a bit and eventually we left (not having eaten either) but he was totally over it by then and happy again but wanted me to carry him (he usually wants me to hold him when he loses it b/c it scares him to lose it so much). As I carried him he started singing and pointing out things he was interested in and telling me to look at things, etc. I thought about how if I'd lost my cool and gotten angry or yelled it would have sent him back to not feeling safe around me. Him totally losing his cool and seeing me hold myself together calmly and lovingly seemed to help him feel like I was worthy of more trust. What a breakthrough! ;-) I really never did expect it would take this many months for him to start trusting and liking me more. I really was surprised even though I thought I was very prepared.
I do wish he was lighter weight so I could carry him longer. I think he's about 33.5 lbs! I was holding another boy at playgroup today and he was only 24 lbs, so incredibly light I hardly felt like I was holding him and I easily held that boy for a little while and didn't even feel like I was! I held both of them at the same time for a few min and that was interesting, lol. Jamie loved it.
I have deeply loved Jamie for so many months now and I am so deeply pleased and relieved to see him starting to really reciprocate some real love and affection on a deeper level. I want nothing more than to seem fully safe to him and a place of refuge. He had a nightmare about a month ago before he started feeling closer to me and when I went in to comfort him he was trying to climb up the other side of the crib to get away and was screaming--it just killed me to not be of comfort to him when he was having a bad dream. And then a day or two after that we were at the playground and he fell and got hurt but only wanted me to hold him about 10 seconds before he was saying down please, down please! Fast forward to playgroup a week ago when he got knocked over by someone accidentally and he came running and wanted me to hold him for about 5 minutes or longer and he layed his head on my shoulder (something that has only happened a few times before 2 weeks ago) and when he got down and he held my hand too.
I think moms who have their children from birth (either domestic adoption by birth or moms w/ bio children) are so lucky to get to enjoy this kind of intimacy with their children. It is natural as a mother to assume you will be a source of comfort and soothing to your child when they need you. I wonder if these moms realize how lucky they are. I think a lot of adoptive moms think that their children will quickly start to be like this with them and are not prepared for the longer haul time it takes some kids to start to trust. It's something I assumed would start to come to me sooner than 10.5 months home (I didn't expect it right away but thought it would be steady progress forward and surely would have expected that 10 months home my child would be well attached to me.) I can't tell you what a deep sense of peace and happiness I now have b/c of knowing my son is finding some real comfort being with me and held by me. I look forward to seeing more progress in this area! It is still a work in progress and definitely not the end point yet. I am just so encouraged. What a long wait I have felt like I've had and it is finally paying off being calm during all of his meltdowns and whining sessions. (This is not something that comes naturally to me for sure b/c I get angry easily, so this is really helping me understand how to be a good mommy too.)
People who see Jamie happy and laughing don't seem to realize how intense our son can be when he is unhappy too. He surely is both. He wears his emotions for all to see--I really love his character and personality! He is our rock star!
When we get the camera cord I'll post some pictures of two trips to the beach we've taken in the last month. We had such a great time. Jamie really enjoyed it and he slept great in the pack and play. That was an answer to prayer! ;-)
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